time

spewing out curses and bleeding out slurs
i've never been the poster girl
and the words never came to me as easy as the sea
never has it been effortless instead
everything so far has come with cracks
scratches that never quite heal
and bruises that never quite fade


i am hiding, and you seem to have found me
tell me to stop trying as if the solution lies
in a pause, a rest, a stop motion
but this is all i have ever known and
this desperation won't flicker out in time like a worn battery
this need i'll carry with me,
won't just vanish like a cloud of smoke on a cold night
where regrets turn into wishes
and wishes turn into dreams
i'm not doing this to please you
i'm simply doing this to please myself
it's harder than it looks
and it takes time