i remember a time
when i was the first thing on your mind
the days my head didn’t work
the way it should.
i remember when you’d tell me everything
in plumes of smoke and shared coffee cups
whispering to me, you know,
i don’t think i’ve ever felt this close to anyone
and as we inhaled, and as we exhaled,
i couldn’t help but feel
that was true.
i remember walking down the street with you,
sitting across the dinner table from you, saying,
i feel like you’re the only anchor i have left
in the world.
(not saying, please
please don’t leave.)
but there comes a time when someone
reliable comes along, so the chair is left empty
and the doorbell stops ringing.
i didn’t understand when i called you my anchor, it meant
i was holding you down in the darkness with me.
but i see now -- you’ve let the light in.
the last time we spoke was three weeks ago.
i remember a time when you admired me.
i can only assume after knowing me so long,
you’ve realized
there’s nothing left to admire.
(i stumble and miss my train
you kiss other people’s cheeks
and i miss you every day,
relentlessly.)
